Friday, November 6, 2009

It's Day 6 of Immersion. It's been a very interesting week. Sometimes hard, because a lot of feelings that have been buried for a long, long time have come up. It can be surprising what pops into your head when your body is twisted like a rag doll and you're pretty sure you're not going to be able to come out of the pose :)

Today during practice, it was like a lightening bolt: When did I get such a restrictively narrow view of myself? When did I become Oh So Painfully Serious about work? What happened to the view I had of myself in my 20's. This is strictly related to work, by the way. See, my idea was to do everything I could in my 20's, figure out what worked for me, then kind of settle in. So in my 20's, I was much more relaxed about what kind of job I had. Granted, some of them were crappy jobs that I'd VERY much prefer to stay away from. But some were fun. I love managing projects, and I love technology, so a marriage of the two would still be my favorite situation. But maybe I'm being too narrow. Tell me ANY job that has ANY kind of responsibility that doesn't involve managing a project some how. Seriously!

Now, I understand that now, the stakes are higher. I have a husband, a house, more bills, and frankly, I like being a little more comfortable than when I lived out of my '81 Ford Fairmont. But does that mean I have so few options that I feel this trapped? I don't know. Maybe. But maybe not.

Today I'm going to open myself up to looking at "Work Carol" differently, see what I am truly open to and try to blur the lines a little. It's completely possible I'll end up back where I started, but I want to at least see.

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